Overcoming Break Ups

Dear World Changer,

You may think it’s weird that as we’re in a sermon series that encourages us NOT to date in high school…we’re posting a blog about overcoming breakups. And that’s because the word “breakup” covers a relationship split between a guy and girl, but ALSO our friends, our siblings, our cousins..it covers all relationships! And while we’re pursuing purity, we need to be pure in our breakups! I have written 5 tips on overcoming breakups that applies to all relationships. Because at one point in your life, this is going to happen or has already happened and we want to prepare you to handle it well!

I have been broken up with where I was so sad that I didn’t get over it for MONTHS! I then became so scared of being broken up with (and yes that’s a normal fear everyone has) but it got to the point where I would avoid relationships altogether. I would turn down the opportunity to get to know great people because I was afraid of a relationship ending in failure again.

I realized a pattern in my heartbreaks. It’s that you have a choice about your feelings. You can CHOOSE whether or not you’re going to wallow in your own misery or you can CHOOSE to be happy again. The reason that I was unhappy for months was because I wasn’t choosing to get over it. I was unhealthily harbouring a deep sadness within myself instead of choosing to feel better. I often had younger girls or even my friends talk to me about their “boy troubles” or “friend drama” and I noticed so many girls falling into the same unhealthy mindset I had. I have since put together the perfect recipe that helps me get over a breakup in a healthy way and it helps me get back on my feet quicker than I ever have before. So here are some tips for how to overcome a breakup. How to continue being a world changer when you feel as though your world has changed….

1. You’re allowed to be sad. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of this person in your life. This person became a big part of your life, whether you guys texted every day or saw each other a lot during and after school. Find a healthy practice that allows you to be sad and let out emotions. Whether that be watching sad movies with ice cream, talking with a friend, writing it out, making art, etc.

2. Don’t blame anyone, especially God! Hard times can either pull you closer to God or have you lean further away. I’ll be the first to say I’ve experienced both. The times where I leaned closer to God were the best times. One thing I wish I realized earlier is that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. One of my favourite Bible verses is John 13:7 “Jesus replied, ‘You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'” If you get nothing out of this blog post, I want you to get this: God only takes things away so He can replace it with something better.

3. After you’ve grieved the loss of this person, it’s time to move on! And NO this does not mean immediately replacing them with a new person. This means taking their things out of your room so you don’t have their constant reminder. Maybe deleting them off social media or eating in a different spot in the cafeteria. What I like to do is have an “ex” box. If it’s a best friend that you really needed out of your life because they were a bad influence, get rid of all their stuff in your room! If it’s an ex-boyfriend – get rid of everything of theirs! It can be hard to throw everything out right away, so take every card, sweater, gift, etc., and place it in a box. Once everything is packed up, put it in a room you never go in (like a basement storage closet) or throw it in the trash! Have you ever heard the expression out of sight out of mind? It’s a lie! Remember what PNat and PK said about how time doesn’t heal, Jesus heals. What time does is fog – makes your forget about it so you don’t think you’re struggling anymore. Out of sight out of mind won’t heal, it will give you an illusion that it healed you, but only Jesus heals! Bring it to the feet of Jesus!

4. Falling back in love with yourself! It is easy to start having a negative mindset or low self esteem after a breakup. Use this time to work on your own passions and fall back in love with yourself! Whether this means dancing more, writing more, practicing your sport, reading, etc. Find a passion and pursue it! Not only does this better yourself but it also gears your focus to something else. Also take this as a time to pamper yourself! Face masks and painting my nails is my favourite way to feel refreshed. But hey, if a good bath bomb does this trick for you, then so be it!

5. A good friendship can last a lifetime… Hang out with the ones who will never leave your side, your friends! Catch up with someone you haven’t hung out with in a while or use this time to grow closer to someone new. My best friend and I grew closer through tough times like this so call yours up for a good sleepover and talk. Not only are your school friends there for you, but so is your Intencity youth group family! Go for ice cream with your connect group leader or other Intencity youth group friends and I’m sure you’ll leave feeling better than when you came!

In conclusion, you will probably be faced with many heart breaks in your life. But remember, no one can take your happiness away from you if you don’t let them. Focus on what you have instead of on what you don’t have. At the end of the day you aren’t facing this alone either. Your friends are there to support you, your leaders are there to support you and so is God On a final note, I leave you these verses: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 5:6-7 “He heals the wounds of every shattered heart.” Psalms 147:3 ““For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

– M e g h a n  Hic k e y

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