Transitions. I can’t seem to get that word out of my head.
It’s a big deal. It’s not easy. It’s a whole lot of new. A lot of unknown. A lot of guessing. A lot of role playing through your mind on what it will be like – let’s be honest….we all have conversations with people in our head before we actually have them in person.
Whether you’re starting a new school, new job, in a new city or staying put…here’s some tips on transitions that God’s been showing me lately as I too are in this category of transition. I’m preparing for hands down the scariest transition I’ve ever been through; having a CHILD! A little human who I don’t know is coming into this world literally any day now! It’s thrilling and exciting and scary and basically every other emotion out there…I partly blame the preggo hormones for that one.
Here’s 6 tips on TRANSITIONS.
ONE : Healthy Expectations.
When PK and I were in pre-marital counselling, one thing we talked about was expectations. And that expectations were THE BIGGEST factor in either a great or not so great first year of marriage and beyond. Why? Because if you have this idea of marriage in your head, say I DO, get home from the honeymoon and it’s not what you think it should be…. disappointment is a thing that can leave you in frustration. And where will you put that frustration? On your new spouse! And that poor person has no idea what you’re talking about because those expectations were in your head and never communicated and to be honest, some were really unrealistic!
Through learning this in pre-marital, I’ve taken it through every season of life!
Healthy expectations are realistic, attainable, leave room for mistakes, leave room for learning, leave room for growth, leave room for fun, leave room for bad days, leave room for joy!
Here’s an example to clear this concept up;
The beloved prom!
Oh how the movies puts A LOT of hype and pressure on prom. They make it seem as though it’s the best day of your life and to ensure it’s the best day there are rules. #1, you have to have the best dress. And under no circumstances can anyone else have the same one as you. #2, you have to have a date and it will be a night of can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars and over the moon, loose your shoe at midnight and he searches for you romantic kind of stuff (insert barf emoji). #3, you have to go out afterwards. #4, you have to get a limo. #5, the venue will be this “sweep you off your feet fairytale land….”
A healthy expectation of prom brings it down to reality and says “I probably won’t be the only one with this dress, and if someone else feels super confident in it and it makes their night – worth it. In the grand scheme of things people matter more than materials.” Leave room for the hair dresser to miss one piece of hair. Leave room for bad weather….you may not get the insta-worthy running through the fields kind of picture.
Having healthy expectations is not the same as having low expectations where you protect yourself from disappointed. The difference? Be excited about things! Look forward to what’s coming up! Because if we never dream big and look forward to things…we’ll miss out.
So what I’m saying is … dream big, get excited, look forward to it, but leave room for things to happen!
TWO : People make the world of a difference.
In a season of a lot of new, hold onto the people you can be “unfiltered” with. Where you can talk through your emotions without it having to be packaged neatly. Sometimes, we just need to talk out loud so WE can understand how we’re feeling, and then have someone encourage us along the way.
We’re all called to share one another’s burdens. If I asked you to lift 150LBS, it’s a lot easier doing that with someone than on your own. It makes the load lighter.
Same with transitions. And if you can find someone close to you that has been through that specific transition before – GOLD! Take in the wisdom.
Three : Mindset.
OOOOOOOhhhh this is a big one.
Our mindset towards things is everything! If you go into school with an attitude of hatred and an “I don’t care” mentality – you already know what kind of year you’re having!
You get out of something what you put in.
Here’s examples of good mindsets to have:
- I got this
- I want to soak in everything this year
- I’m here to learn and grow
- I’m here to build relationship
- I’m here to show Jesus
- I’m confident in the person God’s made me and where He’s put me and I will stay faithful to what’s in front of me
If you need to – make these phrases your phone background as a reminder!
Four : Don’t believe everything you hear!
Just because one person has gone through the same transition you are currently in and it turned out horrible and they insist on telling you all about it and that your experience will be the same …. Shut it out!
When people go through something, they tend to make rules about it. And they’ll pass those rules onto you!
The amount of “advice” I’ve gotten about labour and raising a child…let’s just say I could write a book.
Take the epidural….don’t take it
Don’t do everything the doctors say …. Do everything they say!
I could go on. Trust me. Ooooo so much advice!
I actually find it quite funny. But I’m confident in what I want and what we’ve decided as a couple. I will always politely nod and say “good point.” I also take in the good parts. We need to learn from people! But know the line between healthy, good advice – and advice you don’t need!
When I was a first year in Bible College it was orientation day and one fourth year got up to speak and said this “There are 3 things involved in school… your social life, school and sleep. You only get to choose two.” And in that moment I chose my 2 (school and social – lets be honest!). But then I refused to play by someone else’s rules. I write my own story. And I say that it’s possible to do all three! And guess what…it was! It took a little while to figure it out, but I did it.
Take in the good advice. Nod politely when you get the bad. Know you who are and what you want. Make your own rules.
Five: Take it easy on yourself.
Don’t expect to have high school down in the first 5 minutes. Don’t expect you and your College roommate to be best friends the second you introduce yourselves.
Allow yourself TIME! There’s enough stressful things in a transition, you don’t need to nag yourself on top of it all!
Hands down most important one…stay sensitive to God’s voice.
He has you where he wants you. Flourish and bloom where you are planted. Stay faithful to the transition and season even if it doesn’t make sense because eventually you’ll look back and see the hand of God and the path He took you down and you don’t want to say “Oh I should have worked harder, I should have been more faithful, I should have soaked it all in more instead of complaining.”
In Joshua, success was dependant on faithfulness. God would bring Joshua and the Israelites to the promised land IF they were faithful to obey God and His commands.
This isn’t a phrase just for the people of Israel, it’s for us too.
So world changer, go be obedient and faithful.
Soak in this year. Learn. Grow. Flourish.
Cheering you on always