Dear World Changer,
If you’re like me (Jenny), you may have struggled with what God’s heart is when it comes to healing. For years, supernatural healing (I mean, the kind that happens in a moment, often times when people pray over you and/or anoint you with oil) was a tense subject for me. You see, I was born premature with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. The lack of oxygen to my brain is the reason my eyes are not “normal” (I have Superior Bilateral Oblique Nerve Palsy to be exact!). I have longed and prayed for my eyes to be touched and healed, for my depth perception to come back. But after two surgeries at a young age and years of prayer, nothing has changed. Then there’s my period. When it started a few years ago, it was obvious that that wasn’t going to be “normal” either! Without going into to too much detail, I was either bleeding too much, or not at all…there never seemed to be a middle ground. And then earlier this year I got diagnosed with cancer and just finished walking the road of chemotherapy… no supernatural healing there either.
Trust me, I have felt some of my lowest lows when it comes to me grappling with the “whys” and “why nots” surrounding the lack of supernatural healing in my life. But I have also experienced breakthrough in both my perspective on my different physical situations, and recent miraculous healing for one of those areas! And that is why I am writing this post. To share my story with you, in hopes that if you too have struggled or even become bitter towards God when it comes to miraculous healing, that you will be encouraged. So here it is…
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, one of the things the doctors had to tell me about was the possibility that the chemo drugs would possibly impact my fertility and probably stop my period for the extent of treatment. When it comes to fertility, apparently the chemo I received doesn’t stop many women from being able to become pregnant, and I had heard testimonies of women who had gone through the same treatment years ago and now have multiple kids, so this is not something I was/am concerned about. However, I did experience months without my period during chemo. Because my cycle had been so wonky from the start of my “period journey”, it wasn’t something that caught me off guard, but I did ask my oncologist how long it would take for my period to be back to normal after chemo. She told me to expect three months to go by before seeing a normal cycle again. So that is why it was such a shock when, during my last chemo treatment, I started spotting! And I even experienced a regularly length period!
A few things stood out to me from this recent miraculous healing. The first is the faithfulness of the Lord. I had been on a pill to regulate my cycle for about a year, when I suddenly decided to stop taking it just before retreat last year. I believed that God was going to heal my cycle, and the only way I would be able to tell was to stop the pill, and see if my body would function properly without it. And I had a regular period after retreat! Although I didn’t between March 2017 and the end of October I clung to the knowledge that the Lord had started a good work in me and would see it to completion. And I choose to believe now (even though I am waiting to experience my next cycle) that my period is indeed fully healed. The second thing that stood out to me is that the Lord is so kind and encouraging even after we have been bitter or cold towards Him. I had wondered why He hadn’t healed me years ago when my period first started being abnormal. I had been angry with Him before and during chemo about why I wasn’t miraculously healed, why I had to walk through treatment. And yet, He allowed my period to start and be regular on the last day of treatment. The last day of a treatment that had the potential to steal much more from me than my hair and my period. You see, I felt the Lord give me a promise a few months ago with regards to my future as a mother. I felt like He was saying that I would indeed have my own children, so I don’t need to fear the possibility of infertility. Well, He could have let me cling to that experience from months ago, yet with my period starting at the very same time as chemo was coursing through my body, it was almost as if I was receiving confirmation on that promise of fertility. That encouraged me a lot!
And remember how I mentioned that my perspective on healing had changed? Well, now I am not scared or reluctant to pray for healing in others. Just because I haven’t received healing, or received it the way I’ve wanted to, doesn’t mean I don’t pray for others to receive healing! I dare to hope, just like it says in Lamentation chapter 3, even if it is for someone else, because I know the character of God. He is loving and kind and merciful. And He knows exactly what is best for His children!
Lamentations 3:21-23: “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.”
So, World Changer, you may still be wondering why I even wrote this post. I wrote it to encourage those of you who are walking through physical difficulty and don’t see healing as a possible option for you. I wrote it to encourage you to see the Lord as He truly is, as One who is able and kind, who will be there with you whether it is as a Comforter through the tough season, or as a Healer right now! Dear One, you are going to have great impact. Whether that comes through a testimony of miraculous healing, or through a testimony of walking through a dark season. Stay close to the Father and reject bitterness. Who knows what He has waiting for you just around the bend!
We, your female IntenCity Leaders, love you and are here to encourage you, listen to you, and walk with you through any season life throws at you. You are cherished and much loved! Here for you always.